a paradigm

 

In the most recent Common Place Quarterly, the article "The Best Kept Secret" struck a chord with me, as a mother of several boys.  The author cited another article, from the Parents' Review, which I knew was a must-read.  The article not only did not disappoint, it also set a very high bar for me as a parent, and highlighted a role that I have been leaning into more and more since we began homeschooling in the CM method, namely the parent as the example.  Yes, I'd heard that before, and yes, I'd tried very unsuccessfully to embody an example for my children.  Honestly, I didn't know what that example should look like.  But since striving more and more to work alongside my children as "guide, philosopher, and friend," I have seen the efforts bear fruit.  I've also understood more what a "thinking love" might entail, when for many years of parenting I've had nary a clue.  A recent example:  the me of a decade ago would have insisted a child work through whatever exercise set for them while looking on, and not comprehending why the child resisted.  The current me, realizing that the task of writing a narration might pose a challenge for a child, will sit next to that child and perform the same task I ask of him.

This particular bit of the PR article below, a quote itself, was a recent lightning bolt (the emphasis is mine).  I am sixteen years into this parenting gig, and it's still amateur hour!

"Self-government with tenderness,--here you have the condition of all authority over children. The child must discover in us no passion, no weakness of which he can make use. The child who can rouse in us anger or impatience or excitement, feels himself stronger than we, and a child only respects strength. The mother should consider herself as her child's sun, a changeless and ever-radiant world, whither the small restless creature, quick at tears and laughter, light, fickly, passionate, full of storms, may come for fresh stores of light, warmth and electricity, of calm and courage. The mother represents goodness, providence, law; that is to say, the divinity under that form of it which is accessible to childhood. If she is herself passionate, she will impose on her child a capricious and despotic god, or even several discordant gods. The religion of a child depends on what its father and mother are, and not on what they say. The inner and unconscious ideal which guides their life, is precisely what touches the child; their words, their remonstrances, their punishments, their bursts of feeling even are for him merely stage-thunder and comedy; what they worship; this it is which his instinct divines and reflects. The child sees what we are behind what we appear to be; hence his reputation as a physiognomist. He extends his power as far as he can with each of us; he is the most subtle of diplomatists. Unconsciously, he passes under the influence of each person about him, and reflects it while transforming it after his own nature. He is a magnifying mirror. That is why the first principle of education is--train yourself; and the first rule to follow if you wish to possess yourself of a child's will is--master your own." (Amiel's Journal).

Praying that God gives us all the strength to be who we appear to be, to train ourselves, and to master our own will.